


Homestuck^2.5 Part 1

by Zinchilla



Series: Homestuck^2.5 [1]
Category: Homestuck
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence; semi, Alternate Universe - Human/Troll Society (Homestuck), Blood and Injury, Canon-Typical Violence, Character Death, Earth C (Homestuck), Everything in Earth C will happen here, God Tier (Homestuck), Implied/Referenced Character Death, Original Character Death(s), Past Character Death, Specifics will be in notes, Swearing, The Homestuck Epilogues, Timeline Shenanigans, Weapons, i hope i didn't miss any characters, resurrection due to god tiers, so much homestuck, tricksters (at some point)
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-04-16
Updated: 2020-08-19
Packaged: 2021-03-02 04:35:16
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 21
Words: 19,511
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23679247
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Zinchilla/pseuds/Zinchilla
Series: Homestuck^2.5 [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1705114
Comments: 8
Kudos: 17





	1. Part 1

Prologue

The date is April 13, 2009. A young man- wait this isn't right. You're supposed to be 16. You won the game. How are you back here?

Outside of the young man's house, a young girl and her robotic guardian crash into his father's car. They already know it's going to be a long day...


	2. Act 1 Scene 1

John, try to contact the girl outside your house.

You cannot get the girl's attention. At least you can't before she runs off with her robotic guardian after fixing the dent in your dad's car. You don't get time to think about it much before you get a message from Strider. John, answer Dave.

EB: hey dave, what’s up?  
TT: Not Dave, the other one. Stuck with an annoying-ass Auto Responder.  
TG: yeah, shit went haywire and we’re back to thirteen lookin ass bitches  
TG: game crashed or some shit and reset the timeline  
EB: it crashed?! i didnt think that was even possible!  
TT: It’s fuckin Sburb, even then this shit is just insane.  
TG: does anyone even have a copy of the game?  
TG: mine just up and vanished  
EB: my dad just checked all of his orders. nothing here.  
TT: The digital copy I had is gone. No records of it or anything, like it never existed. Granted being sent three years back in time probably doesn’t help. You guys mind checking around your end while I check with the Alphas?  
TG: sure thing bro  
EB: ill check with the trolls

You leave Dave and Dirk and message Karkat, Terezi, and Kanaya. They've lost their versions of the game too. You vividly remember playing the game, you won after all! Your thoughts are interrupted by a message from an id you don't recognize at all. John, answer this mysterious person.

EB: uh, whos this?  
GB: Hi, I'm so sorry but is this John Egbert?  
EB: how do you know my name? are you one of the trolls' friends?  
GB: No, I accidentally ran into your dad's car-  
EB: oh! youre that girl! hi!  
GB: Um, hi... look I'm sorry about the game, I didn't know that it would be delayed!  
EB: wait, delayed?  
GB: Uh, yeah. I'm looking at the date right now. April 13, 2015 is Sburb's new release date after problems cause a need to re-haul the game from the ground up. At least that's what the article says.  
EB: oh my god...

Suddenly, everything around you goes black.

John, answer Dave.  
EB: hey dave, what’s up?  
TT: Not Dave, the other, wait haven't we had this conversation before?  
EB: dirk? no this  
TG: no this happened before  
TG: also sburb wasnt deleted  
TG: game was delayed six years  
EB: WHAT THE FUCK?!  
TT: Dave, why do you sound so close by?  
TG: the hell do you mean  
TG: arent you in the middle of the ocean or some shit  
TT: I don't think so anymore...

John, be Dirk. You are now Dirk. You were watching the news, a new broadcast when suddenly a teenage girl about your age was attacked and killed. Just afterwards you black out for half a second and now this is happening. Only one way to find out. Dirk, leave your room.  
You exit your room and walk into...a hallway. And the typing you heard before is getting louder. You wish you could say that the place was a mess, but all you see is some fluff and the image of a totally rad dude with shades putting stuff away. You grab the doorknob right next to your room and bust the entire thing open.  
Dave: holy shit  
Dirk: Holy shit...  
Alpha Dave: holy shit...


	3. Act 1 Scene 2

You are now standing in the same room as your Bro and Dave, though you should be saying teenage Dave and adult Dave. This...this just got a lot weirder than it was before. Dave, message John.

TG: dude do you remember someone messaging you?  
EB: yeah i think. it sounds familiar anyway  
TG: what were the initials  
EB: gb  
TG: k thanks i got detective work to do

With this knowledge you proceed to rip through Pesterchum. Sure enough, there it is. GalacticBound? What kind of dumbass name is that? Well no time to waste. Dave, message GB.

TG: hey  
GB: Um... John?  
TG: no im his friend  
TG: dave  
GB: Strider?  
TG: one and only  
TT: Everything ok?  
GB: Dirk?!  
TT: Yeah. Also, what the hell happened like five minutes ago? Egbert has no idea who you are.  
GB: ...guess I missed the background check...  
TG: wait you remember talking to him  
TG: but he doesnt remember talking to you  
GB: I guess so...  
TT: Ok, we need to know what's going on, first off. Sburb is delayed six years and at the same time you show up. And now the Alpha group and Beta group are in the same time period. Plus my Bro is alive.  
GB: Your bro? No... no Dave's should be the one alive...  
TG: must have affected the timeline  
TG: mine is awol along with that puppet thank god  
GB: So Cal is gone with him... this... this shouldn't have happened...  
TG: might just be a faulty timeline transfer or some shit  
TG: happens all the time  
TG: also what the fuck is your name  
GB: ...Gage  
Hal: Gage, I told you to double check everything before you turned your back on windows. Someone managed to get you in the neck.  
TG: wait hold the fuck up  
TG: you died?  
GB: yeah  
TT: Were you talking to Egbert before then?  
GB: yep  
TG: ok so stop the whole dying shit please  
TT: Wait how the hell is he here?!  
Hal: I'm her guardian. Animatronic body with hyper speed included unlike the one stuck in a pair of shades. A bonafide badass incarnate.  
Hal: Also hope you don't mind I used the credit card.  
Bro: So thats where that came from. Makes sense.

Everything goes black again.

TG: goddamit what did i just say  
GB: sorry...  
TG: did you slip on something  
GB: No, sniped.  
TT: Ok, uh. There a bathroom nearby?  
GB: Yeah, why?  
TT: Hide in there, I'm sending in backup.

You are suddenly Gage, hiding in a motel bathtub. At least the best you can. You hear so much chaos outside the moment. Thankfully it's all over quickly.

TT: Ok you should be good.  
GB: Uh, what did you send here?  
TT: Brobot.  
GT: STRIDER WHAT HAPPENED TO TIN CAN?!  
GT: I mean i know i dont need him anymore but where is he?  
TT: And now Gage, you have your own stealth bodyguard.  
Hal: Yeah, thanks for making us known to all of Texas.  
Bro: Wait, texas?  
GT: jzhbdfjhbgf,ajghr BEC GET AWAY FROM THE LAPTOP. Yes, youre a very good boy, but please never do that again old chap.

As the four of you try and make small talk, Hal seems to have gotten you both a new place.  
Hal: Hey, time to roll.  
Gage: Ok, where are we going now?  
Hal: To the rest of the family.

Where ever this place is, you hope to get there in one piece. Which you do, thankfully. You don't remember the last time you've seen the inside of an apartment building or an elevator for that matter. You both walk down the hallway after the trip up.

Gage: Hal?  
Hal: Hm?  
Gage: Are we gonna have to move again?  
Hal: If this works out, we won't. All we have to do is lay low and he won't find out we're still here.  
Gage: I miss them...  
Hal: I know... I miss them too.  
Gage: I thought you didn't care about them.  
Hal: I didn't really. Then we lost them.  
Gage: *sniffs*  
Hal: If they're still alive, they miss us just as much.  
Gage: i want halley back...  
Hal looks to the side, then back to her.  
Hal: I know... but if this works, then you'll see him again.

You finish the walk down the hallway, standing behind Hal as he knocks on the door.  
Bro: Hey  
Hal: Sup


	4. Act 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Let the real games begin

Years later, a young woman stands in her apartment bedroom...


	5. Act 2 Scene 1

It's been six years since you were able to make it to a safe timeline. But you remember worse... you vividly remember dying 20 times in order to get to this point. The two Strider teens have been trying to find a true victory, while Hal and Daniel, or Dirk's Bro, have just been keeping everything afloat. The sun is going down slowly outside, telling from the mottled sky alone. You don't remember how long it's been since you talked to the others and speak of the devil. Gage, answer Jake.  
GT: Gage ole chap! How have you been?  
GB: I’m ok, Jake.  
GT: Well that is a lie if I have ever heard one. You were off your rocker about this meetup and I haven't heard wind nor hide from you in over a week!

Shit...

GT: And it's your fricking birthday!!

dammit you wanted to forget that...

GT: It took me hours to convince Jane to not plan something on her own birthday! She's well not very good at hiding her enthusiasm...  
GB: Heh, well guess that didn't change...  
GT: Neither did you at avoiding your own birthday. It's two days away and no one knows what to do.  
GB: You know damn well why I avoid it.  
GT: Yes, but it's also around when you met us and changed our own lives! Shit, I even have a dog now and I would have had to start counting my lucky stars if I wanted that before!  
GT: this is another episode... isn't it?

how in the name of-

GT: Gage, do not tell me you're sitting alone, huddled in blankets, in the dark, and have not eaten all day.  
GB: I had some water-  
[GutsyGumshoe joined the chat]  
GB: shit  
GG: Jake, you all good for a trip?  
GT: Yep, I got Jade.  
GG: I got John.  
GB: WAIT YOU TWO STAY RIGHT-  
[GutsyGumshoe and GolgothasTerror left the chat]  
GB: dammit... again...  
[TipsyGnostalgic joined the chat]  
TG: gurl dont you even move a muscle  
TG: be right there  
GB: et tu Roxy?  
TG: yees  
[TipsyGnostalgic left the chat]

True to their words, everyone is there within seconds. Why couldn't Jade's space powers have left when you got here? Bec lost his and is now just an old dog... shouldn't it even out? And seriously the Striders were included? No, hell fucking no. Not doing this. You even sit against your bedroom door to keep it shut.

Jane: Gage, open the door.  
Gage: no  
Jane: That was not a question.  
Gage: i know  
Roxy: i got dis, dont worry. boop!

Without warning, you feel a piece of ice on your back and nearly leap a foot into the air, only to be tackled by the mastiff in human form himself and slam onto the ground...

Gage: WHAT THE FUCK JAKE?!  
Jake: Hi, this is an intervention now. You're avoiding things again.  
Gage: Bitch, I said I wanted to be left alone.  
Roxy: wanna scare blathers with insects for three hours?  
Gage: Always.  
Roxy: mmkay, but first what the hell is going on with you  
Gage: ...  
Roxy: talky first, scare blathers after

With that, you actually talk things out with them, Jake holding onto you like a football player the whole time. You always forget he's an aggressive hugger... Thankfully it's not long before you start giving Blathers countless bugs individually and hitting each others avatars with nets. Or it would be everyone if Rose actually got the game. Compared to the others, you have the largest island besides Mr. Strider himself. You've had the game for almost a year, but it always gives you an update when you least expect it. Here's to fucking up time and space so badly, things release earlier in time. 2015 and a game supposed to come out in five years releases in 2014? What can you say, except, you're welcome humanity. Soon enough, it's one in the morning.

John: so, the mall plan still open?  
Gage: John...  
John: what? just a walk around and food not sitting right?  
Jane: No it is.  
Gage: >:|  
Jane: You always say you want something casual, this is as casual as it gets.  
Gage: ... >:\  
Jane: You can bully Mr. Blathers more when we get back.  
Gage: >:\  
Jane: Gage...  
Gage: >>>:c  
John: i made you lose filbert didnt i  
Gage: YES! WHAT THE FUCK JOHN, YOU MADE ME GET BIT BY A TARANTULA RIGHT AS I GOT TO HIM!!  
John: WHAT TARANTULA!?!

well, maybe everything wouldn't be so bad after all... and now Egbert owes you a Filbert. Luckily you can point him directly to a key chain of him, maybe Goldie too for good measure. It took you so long to find him and you just...ah whatever. Also you don't remember falling asleep. How is it morning and what day is it?


	6. Act 2 Scene 2

You're still Gage, currently climbing over the sleeping bodies of your friends around you... they all look so peaceful curled around or sprawled on top of each other. You clear the barrier that is John, sprawled to his body's limits, and look at yourself in the hallway mirror. Daniel certainly went all out clearing out the apartment of deadly weaponry and Smuppets, even taking advantage of what used to be two large walk-in closets and turning them into two new bedrooms. But you remember you weren't thinking about that first, you were looking at yourself. Still...not very extravagant or unusual...really long dark hair and gray eyes, so that's still the same. And it looks like you really did buff up a little bit after all! Lookin good with the gun show, starring Thunder and Lightning-

Dirk: Hey, got a second?  
Gage: Dude, how long have you been up?  
Dirk: Since 6 am. I clocked out at midnight.  
He passes you a mug of coffee. It's rich and smells lightly of hazelnut and earth, even with the small amount of sugar added.  
Gage: What's up?   
Dirk: It's something Dave and I found a few weeks ago. It's... well it's another timeline completely separate from ours... you don't have to hear this if you don't want to.  
Gage: I have died twenty times now and can remember each and every one. Dirk, nothing will phase me anymore. I just don't know how much longer I can do something like this. I don't wanna see my only friends die again.  
Dirk: Neither do any of us.  
Gage: Well, I'm all ears. Is it just the one?

As if on cue, the computer beeps twice just as Dirk spins in his chair to look at the screen.

Dirk: Make that four... You recognize these names?

He pulls up a tab from one of the timelines as Dave waddles in, half asleep and his shades nowhere to be seen. Dirk offers him a cup as Gage walks over to the screen.

Gage: Tavros Crocker? Vriska Lalonde-Maryam? Harry Anderson Egbert?? What kind of bullshit names are those?  
Dirk: Says the human who's name can easily be pronounced 'Cage.'  
Gage: Know what, shut the hell up.  
Dirk: No. I'll take away your island.  
Gage: ...fine... what'd you find on them?  
Dirk: Well, the ones that just popped up seem to be futures where we won Sburb. But you were never part of the group. It looks like the split between timelines was after Egbert out there picked a snack, so I'm gonna call them based on that. First is 'meat.'  
Dirk: This is the one where we followed through Caliborn's challenge. Only survivors I can pick up are Dave, Karkat, Roxy who now has a sweet pair of shades and a new haircut... actually I think she discovered things about herself. Looks way more comfortable here appearance wise, good for them because I was not there and don't know the gist.  
Gage: Good for Rox.  
Dirk: With them is Kanaya and Jade but she's fighting with an alternate Calliope for control over her body. So is Jane, huh, didn't see her there. So Jake is MIA there. John's uh... well he's dead-dead. Lord English got him with incurable venom, the poor bastard. Rose is stuck in a robot body, Terezi is prisoner and...  
Gage: That's where he is...  
Dirk: Just gonna... ignore the rest of that... we don't need to know about him right now thank you very much. Ok, 'candy' is... batshit insane and not in a good way. Kingdoms are divvied up which is fine. I'M FUCKING DEAD APPARENTLY. Dave's a robot now, Obama was a hope player, Jane is a dictator and racist against trolls while, get this, she is in an ongoing black romance with Gamzee who was let free from the fridge. Jake became a 'henpicked husband' and is an alcoholic, plus there's a kid between those two, Tavros. Almost at the same time, Roxy and John had a kid, Harry Anderson. Kanaya and Rose adopted a genetic clone of Vriska, who has some epic fashion-sense and I'm very proud of her. Karkat is leading a rebellion against Jane, Meenah is second-in-command, Jade and Dave married before the robot thing aaand normal Vriska is there? Somehow??  
Gage: ok but... Jane is blackrom dating Gamzee, a troll, while being racist towards trolls?  
Dirk: Yeah. Yeah she is. And putting her actual son through the metaphorical wringer. Dude was like 8 and he knew about complex government affairs! Like, memorized from a dictionary or some shit!  
Gage: Ok so we bring our Jane with us so she can kick her older self's ass. Then we steal the Jake and the kid, hide them somewhere Gamzee can't find them, and then wait for Sburb? How's that even going to work anyway?  
Dirk: I was getting to that. So the Sburb app we downloaded because apparently that's how the game's working this time, it used a blood sample to log us in via DNA. Yours finished first, so whenever the app takes over, yeah that happens, you hit the house button and we should be instantly sent in. Who knows, maybe we'll get lucky and already be at God Tier level.  
Gage: After everything that's happened, if it doesn't work like that, we fight.  
Dirk: Same as always. Ok, third timeline is mostly just a first guardian who wants us to ensure their friends make it to the end goal and permanently don't have to deal with the douche bag anymore. He can access locked timelines now. It's... it's the timeline Dave and I found first that I really wanted to talk to you about...  
Gage: Why?  
Dirk: Because they know who you are and asked if you were ok after the game. They kept saying they thought you died.

Gage: what? But...there's no other versions of me, at least living ones for that matter.  
Dirk: No like, they knew you as a part of their group. Like us right now, but you didn't make it out of Sburb. Heroic Death in an attempt to save them. One of them was, well not to keen on talking about you. Everyone else couldn't seem to stop talking about you though. I was almost stuck there for hours because of them.  
Gage: Great...  
Dirk: You don't have to worry about it now. You're almost 19, you have to enjoy it.  
Gage: ...  
Dirk: Gage, you can't solve all of your problems at the same time. You know this.  
Gage: What else am I gonna do? This is all I have left...  
Dirk: I know. We'll figure something out. Anyway, wanna wake up the others and order out pancakes? My treat.  
Gage: We got no pancake mix?  
Dirk: The emotional pancakes. And you ate them all in one sitting.  
Gage: It was sad hunger. I turn into Kirby when that happens.  
Dirk: Then stop watching dog videos at 2 am.  
Gage: Yeah, never gonna happen. Ya know when you just, need to cry or else you have no emotions? It was that kind of a day.  
Dirk: Uh huh. Anyway you like the banana and chocolate chip stack, right? There's a special on it. 6 pancakes for $4.  
Gage: Oh you know me so well. Are they the size of my head?  
Dirk: Be weak-ass pancakes if they weren't.


	7. Act 2 Scene 3

With everyone distracted with food, you use this time to try and contact these 'old teammates' of yours. If they're lying, they're really freakin good at it. No one gets past the Striders. Gage, text group message with others.  
You simply join and instantly it seems to blow up before your eyes! Flashes of greens, blues, red, orange, pink, and purple! And you can also see them video-calling each other in the corner. Your eyes don't deceive you, it's your friends! But a lot older...

Gage: Hey, Dave, can I talk to you for a second?  
Dave: little busy  
Daniel: Whats up  
Gage: ...  
Daniel: You talked to that new timeline, huh Daniel: Why, we told you to leave it alone for a few days  
Gage: I can't. I just fucking can't!  
Daniel: Gage, look at me  
You do. You look him dead in the eyes, through the dark lenses of his sunglasses. You see your own reflection, you almost didn't recognize it as your own.  
Daniel: Last time, you were 79 years old when you died. you have not had the time to get over that. you cant keep throwing your own life away like this.  
Gage: ...  
Daniel: Why, why cant you just let this go for a few days...   
Gage: Because it's why I can't die.  
Daniel: What?  
Gage: When I first came to this timeline, I...fell into an electric fence. Flat-lined for three minutes. Hal managed to get my heart going again, but at the exact same time...that version of me  
You gesture to the timeline on the computer for effect.  
Gage: She was caught by Ultimate Dirk. Completely murdered in cold blood. Took her last breath when I came back. Both dead and alive at the same time. I turned my own mortality into a fucking groundhog day loop!  
Daniel: Ok how the hell did you even crash into an electric fence and flat line?!  
Gage: You underestimate my skills. Like the time I-  
Daniel: Causal spoiler?  
Almost on cue, you grip your head. The inside of your skull is pounding and you can hear the blood rushing through. Thankfully it passes after a few minutes.  
Daniel: Look, i know you just want this to be over, i do too. but you can't keep doing this to myself.   
Gage: I have to... it's all I have left...  
Daniel: After tomorrow. promise me.  
Gage: I promise...  
Daniel: Ok  
He pulls you in for a hug and part of your heart seems to break. You flash back through memories upon memories, seeing yourself as a young girl...a little girl, who didn't know better, and her loving father unaware of any danger outside of their home.  
  
Hal: Everything all set?  
'John' Crocker: Yep, app was released today and we're all synced in  
Jade English: Frog temple is ready to be sent into the session. The one here will be sent to LOMAX while the one from that timeline will be sent to LOFAF. First guardian also contacted in the locked timeline and seems willing to send theirs through in order to fully erase Ultimate Dirk's influence from the timeline. They got that and their trolls, currently 38. Joey and Jude will have to be retrieved manually.  
Rose Lalonde: Materials for prototyping the sprites have also been distributed. I'm sending the ones needed to the Omega group now. Included are Joey and Jude's as well.  
Hal: Halley in there too?  
Rose Lalonde: Yes, along with the remains of old Grandma English and Poppop Crocker.  
Hal: Good, those Candy kids need the best fighting chance they can get. No fighting experience and they barely have anything that can be a weapon.  
Dave Strider: Ok, timer is counting down. It'll send them back in time about three months, knock them right where they need to be. Bring Terezi as well, Vriska's there and I doubt she'll trust Gagey there.  
Hal: Understood. Deployment to the Candy timeline in 36 hours, 59 minutes and 45 seconds.


	8. Intermission 1

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Chimera Timeline

The "Chimera Timeline" is a timeline that resulted from the simultaneous death and resurrection of Gage ------- adoptive daughter of ---- -------.  
Within this timeline reside the survivors of the Sburb game they originated from. These included the Alphas, Betas, Karkat, Kanaya, Terezi, and Aradia. However this can be considered less of an alternate timeline, but more of a separate universe altogether that was turned into an alternate timeline once the survivors were introduced. As followed due to pre-existing laws of Paradox Space, the delivery of the meteors with the younger paradox clones also ensued years later. The survivors, now roughly in their mid 30's, have since raised these paradox clones as their own children, even changing their last names to match the identities they would have had, and giving them as normal a life as they could provide while also teaching them a little self-defense in the event of Sburb happening again. None of the trolls paradox clones were sent to the new timeline. The survivors had to go through years of counseling and therapy shortly after arrival.

The wormhole was created by Gage -------, the Knight of -----, who sacrificed her life and was subsequently brutally murdered by Ultimate Dirk in order to ensure their survival. The remnants of the original timeline were destroyed by Ultimate Dirk shortly after Gage's death.


	9. Act 3 Scene 1: Masters at Infiltration

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The Alpha Group has a single braincell, and it's always with Jane.

Current Date: May 25, 12:45 pm. Eastern Standard Time. Time until departure into the Candy Timeline, ten minutes. Departure Group consists of the Alpha Group of Players, Gage -------, Hal, the Brobot, Terezi Pyrope, and Meenah Peixes. Reconnaissance group for the Meat and Chimera Timelines consist of the remaining players. Players in the Candy Timeline will live in the timeline for an estimated 3 months before activating the new session. In the meantime, the Reconnaissance team will gather the locked timeline players, including the first guardian of the timeline. Current view, five minutes before departure. In the meantime, be Gage.   
Jane: Everyone all set?   
Roxy: hell yea!   
Jake: No. I don't have enough arms to hold all the kids.   
Roxy: jakey, i gotchu fam. i can hold like, two of them   
Jake: Oh, ok then yes. I'm all ready to go!   
Dirk: Hey uh, we get to kick that Jane's ass, right? Because if we aren't I'm out.   
Gage: That part never changed, dude. But Janey gets first hit.   
Dirk: Excellent.   
Terezi: OK, 1S 3V3RYON3 R34DY? D3P4RTUR3 1N THR33 M1NUT3S.   
Gage: Ok everybody, let's to this! YEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAA  
Dirk: And she just ran in... the only one without immortality ran in headfirst screaming like a banshee...  
Jake: and we haven't moved!  
Jane: Guys, wait! We have to- oh my god...  
Roxy: Janey! Why are yuo not running?! We r already here!  
Jane: I can see that... Can you guys go five minutes without running headfirst into almost death?  
Gage: Huh? What's that?  
Dirk: Sounds lame.  
Jake: No think ahead. Only death and chaos.  
Terezi: YOU GUYS TH1NK AH34D?  
Roxy: i only haz cat brain. cat brain only run amok.  
Jane: So uh... this is it? Looks pretty ok to me.  
Jake: Give it a few minutes. It's how dystopian societies are at first.  
  
Already it seems to be breaking apart at the seams. Nothing seen but sleek, red technology as far as the eye could see. Humans and humans alone walked the streets. Even from so far away and hidden by shrubs, the expressions looked plastered on. A matter of yards away, some arguing could be heard.  
  
Terezi: OK, TH4T'S VR1SK4 OV3R TH3R3. 1'LL GO T4LK TO H3R 4ND T4K3 C4R3 OF TH3 TROLL K1D. 4LL OF YOU G3T TH3 OTH3R K1DS 4ND W3 M33T UP 4T JOHN'S HOUS3. D34L?  
Jake: Deal.  
Jake: So uh, we just act like normal people in the meantime? And keep the symbols covered of course.   
Gage: Yep... just...act normal... and no one sees the shirt symbols. Man that Dave was smart. Sending us to mid-autumn so we have to wear jackets.  
Roxy: mmhm... jus normal teenagers... out for a stroll in a concrete jungle... nothin to sees here... jus gettin the coffees and nummies...  
Gage: Y'all, there's no Donks or Nebulacents nearby.  
Roxy: fuk  
Jane: oh no...  
Dirk: Yeah, we're gonna die. No good coffee.   
Jake: Oh it cant be that bad.   
Gage: No Twistings either, Jake.  
Jake: were dead.

Gage: so uh... where do you guys wanna start looking?  
Jane: That warship that parked in the middle of the street with evil, speciest me walking out of it?  
Group: Sure.

  



	10. Act 3 Scene 2: Gage is still dumb as hell

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter picks up around Chapter 9 of Homestuck^2. Contains: toxic relationships and mentions of child abuse.

Gage: guys? Guys where are you?  
Jane: I was joking! We're still... outside... oh my god... GAGE ARE YOU SERIOUS?!  
Gage: WHY WOULD YOU SAY THAT WHEN I WILL STILL TRY AND KICK HER ASS?! uh, so i'm apparently airborne now... texting is so slow! A message here and five minutes have gone by...  
Jane: Ok, just. Stay where you are, we'll get you when it lands again. I mean it, we have a lead on 3/4 of the group and are following them now, so stay put!  
Gage: Ok, but quick question. What if evil, older you is legit inches away from my nose?  
Jane: Then start the ass-kicking.  
Gage: I LOVE YOU SO MUCH RN!!!!! :D  
  
You kick the evil Jane in the ankle and scramble into a vent, promptly...falling into a slightly lower level, but free nonetheless. By smell alone, you feel more comfortable. At least for a SLIGHTLY CIVIL DICTATOR, she still has a kitchen. Granted it's alongside prison cells, but kitchen means food and food means safety. You try and climb out, but end up burning your hand on a stove burner. Of course you had to end up ABOVE the fire of all things. You try to frantically cool your hand off as you tumble out of your hiding spot, falling onto the floor face first. You look up in a hurry and see... no... no you lost him years ago with the rest of your timeline... it's not him...  
  
Jane: JAKE! WHAT WAS THAT?!  
Jake: Nothing! Just me being clumsy. Couldn't find a bowl for-  
Jane: *growls* Right here, as I said. A dog bowl for a mongrel like her.  
Jake: She's a kid!  
Jane: Do not raise your voice. She is a mutt, and she WILL be treated like one.  
Dirk: Is she for real? Is this really happening?? Why aren't you saying something?!  
Gage: *What the fuck...*  
Jane: Never raise your voice in front of me again. Are we clear?  
Jake: ...  
Jane: Good. Finish with the food and bring it to my office. And a coffee while you're at it.  
  
The entire scene ends as quickly as it started. From where you stayed crumbled into a ball, you didn't notice how much you were shaking. It was too familiar...you knew this too well and you hate it. You despise it. Thoughts overwhelm you to the point where, you don't notice the man kneeling in front of you... You look him in the eyes and he is nothing but concerned...  
  
Jake: *Are you alright? I didn't mean to scare you like that...*  
Gage: *I'll be ok...*  
Jake: *Alright. Can you get up?*  
  
He helps you onto your feet, but with how much you're shaking he doesn't seem confident with that answer.  
  
Jake: *Placronym?*  
Gage: *Huh?*  
Jake: *I just need to know who I'm dealing with. It's just a plate with your name transcribed on it.*  
  
You nod and hand it over. Your Sylladex thankfully doesn't make any noise. The tension in this place is so thick you'd need a chainsaw to cut through it. The older Jake reads the Placronym carefully, and instantly he goes from fearful, to calm and confidant. Well whatever, at least he's feeling a little more ok. He hands it back to you and you quickly shuffle it back in with your Sylladex.  
Your Sylladex is an easy to use, hard to master, playing card set. To everyone else, they look like normal cards, but you can see what's stored in them. The trick is to remember what a selected card was. Your rations are under a two of spades, so if you wanted to tell someone, it would be "Classical Deck, Two of Spades" and they would have some extra food and water. Your second deck is filled with what you could grab before your home went up in flames. Literally. The first deck however is filled to the brim with emergency equipment, just in case. Well, alongside six extra computers, courtesy of one of your many aunts. In the meantime, you decide to strike up a bit of small talk. Gage, talk with Jake.  
  
Jake: *So it is really you... didn't think old BGD had it in him.*  
Gage: *Who?*  
Jake: *Brain Ghost Dirk. Splinter of the real Dirk.*  
Gage: *Oh, so that's... oh ok... yeah that makes sense. I was a little concerned about the guy lying on the counter and no one noticing him.*  
Dirk: Wait, you can see me?  
Gage: *Clear as day.*  
Dirk: So now two people know I exist. Great.  
Jake: *I'm sorry about all of this.*  
Gage: *I mean, I kinda knew what to expect, but nothing like this. How did he even know I was gonna be here?*  
Jake: *Heart player thing. It only started a few weeks ago.*  
Gage: *hmm...*  
Jake: *So...*  
Gage: *Buttons.*  
  
You both chuckle and trade bad jokes as things finish up 'cooking' if you can even call it that. And also send small tidbits in the jokes. You learn about the fourth kid, held captive right under your feet and chained up like a dog. She's Jade's kid. That's as much as Jake knows and frankly, all that you want to know.  
  
Gage: *So, what are we going to do? I walk in there, I'm going to be public enemy number one.*  
Jake: *Well, you would be, Poppet. Unless say, you were the unknown child of one of the gods in this world, such as myself, and you happened to waltz into her office and because you're older and technically married into the family, you could usurp power completely and give it to whoever you'd like. But I'm just a silly, henpicked man who had to raise himself, so what do I know.*  
Gage: *Well, what do you know?*  
Jake: *You wouldn't happen to have a pair of fake glasses with glass lenses, would you?*  



	11. Act 3 Scene 3: Masterplan

Jane: (Where is he?)  
Jane: (It's a question I've found myself asking many times in recent days.)  
Jane: (Where now is our merry savior?)  
Jane: (Where is the horn that was honking?)  
Jane: (Where is the cape and the codpiece, and the...)  
Jane: (The...)  
Jane: (Oh, fiddlesticks.)  
Jane: (Okay, poetry is out.)  
Jane: (What else?)  
Jane: (Hrm...)  
Jane: (I've always been pretty good at crying on cue.)  
Jane: (Could I try staging an emotional breakdown?)  
Jane: (That could work; playing to people's humanity.)  
Jane: (Or whatever is the more inclusive term.)  
Jane: (It could work.)  
Jane: (One really good and calculated weep could do it, I think.)  
Jane: (But then there's the danger that I might get carried away and do it for real.)  
Jane: (And I can't risk that.)  
Jane: (No... no, I'll have to stick to an ordinary eulogy.)  
Jane: (As ordinary as it can be, under the circumstances.)  
Jane: (Alright, let's see.)  
Jane: (What can I say about him that will stir up their emotions?)  
Jane: (Do I mention the stuff about the milk?)  
Jane: (Think Crocker, think.)  
  
Jake: Ahoy over there!  
Jake: Er... how goes the eulogizing, dear?  
Jane: In a word: awfully.  
Jake: Ah.  
Jane: It turns out that it's mighty difficult to find touching things to say about a person, the relationship with whom was predicated on deep-seated mutual loathing.  
Jane: I imagine this is one of the reasons no funerary tradition was ever established on Alternia, besides the barbarism of their culture.  
Dirk: Jesus christ, this again?  
Jane: Not only did a significant proportion of their interpersonality depend on romance in the form of hatred, but it was a society based on cruelty and violence.  
Jane: What reason could they have had to provide for the dead?  
Jane: What kind of last rites could they have even imagined?  
Jake: Um...  
Jake: Could i have that once more, sans the raci--  
Jake: I mean,  
Jake: In laymans terms?  
Jane: Sigh.  
Jane: Jake,  
Jane: I can't think of anything good to write about him because deep down, I hated his guts.  
Jane: But he was and is beloved of the multitude, so I have to think of something regardless.  
Jake: Im not sure i understand.  
Jane: Don't worry your pretty little head about it.  
Jane: This is politics, Jakey.  
Jane: Lying through your two front teeth about people you hate is about as good a definition as it's possible to get.  
Jane: But, by gum, is it tiring work.  
Jane: Work to which I need to return this instant.  
Jane: The funeral is tomorrow, after all.  
Jake: Right you are. Jake: ...  
Jake: I um... brought you the coffee?  
Jake: Ill just... put it down... here...  
Jake: ...  
Gage: *Father, is everything alright?*  
Jane: WHO-  
  
She can't get the sentence out of her mouth before fully noticing the girl hiding behind Jake. She looked to be eerily similar to him, down to the dark hair and rectangular glasses. She gripped her flannel shirt nervously, glancing between the two adults at near lightning speed.  
  
Jane: Um, who is this...?  
Jake: This is my daughter, Amelia English. She recently graduated school and wanted to meet tavvy before she fled the nest. A brilliantly smart young woman i assure you! Amelia, this is jane, tavvys mother.  
Gage: Oh! I apologize about my misunderstanding. It's great to meet you, Ms. Crocker!  
  
She shakes Jane's hand, even their grip strength was similar. But...daughter? He had a child before Tavros?! And hid her?!?! But that would mean...  
  
Jane: Amelia... what a pretty name. Where's your mother?  
Jake: Passed away shortly after getting amelia into the world. Blood loss.  
Jane: Oh, I'm so sorry...  
Gage: It's alright. We don't like talking about it...  
Jane: ...and you just graduated high school? A private university I assume.  
Gage: Yes, I was able to attend because of my father. He set aside money for me to stay at the university for four years before being married. I was going to outsource to another kingdom to get the extra money for schooling.  
Jane: That... that actually won't be needed. Jane: See, when I came into power over sixteen years ago, I instituted a law where those in charge would pass down authority based on bloodline. Whichever parent has the eldest child, even when outside of marriage, that child gains power instantly at 18 years old. Jane: And...these are authentic records...  
  
She turns the monitor, revealing accurate documents for 'Amelia.' Everything, down to her birth certificate was there.  
  
Jane: Sigh.  
Gage: I apologize, but I don't know where you're going with this...  
Jane: Starting right now, you're in charge of the empire.  
Gage: WHAT?!  
Jane: I understand this is an imposing role, but it must be filled. We have much to talk about, now. Following the funeral and public execution, all power will be transferred to you in front of the human kingdom.  
Gage: What are you talking about?! Public executions have been outlawed for the past five years, where no political leader can perform such an action without immediate arrest for manslaughter. It's propaganda in the highest offense!  
Jane: Oh, you were never informed. Gamzee Makara was found murdered and in retaliation, the daughter of Jade Harley will be publicly executed.  
Gage: Gamzee? A troll is getting a funeral?  
Jane: Well, yes.  
Gage: ...what, and I can't stress this enough, THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH YOU. You kill any troll that so much as breathes near the border, but when it's a public figure YOU allowed to get in, he gets a large funeral. And an innocent child is killed to 'get even.'  
Jane: What kind of-  
Gage: This is only going to make things worse!  
Jake: Amelia. Calm down, theres no need to get worked up over this.  
Jake: Jane, shes a science pursuer. A lab worker, like my grandmother once was before her exile. Amelia has looked up to her as long as she could walk on her two feet.  
Jane: And?   
Jake: You just insulted her in my daughters face. Not even a minute into knowing her and youve already hurt her like you snap at tavvy.  
Jane: She'll get used to it. Everything has already been processed. Now, Amelia dear, make your first demand as the new Baroness of the Human Kingdom, the computer will work fine for it.  
Jake: well... you asked...  
Gage: I immediately transfer any and all executive power to my father. I will act as the public figurehead and inform the public on the newest information provided by the empire. Also, the red is so tacky. Needs more blacks and greens.  
Jane: WHAT?!  
Jake: I tried to warn you.  
Jane: WHAT DID YOU? WHAT?  
Jake: Self explanatory. Im in charge now. You honestly thought that insulting a dead woman in front of her living relatives was going to be an untimely blessing to you?  
Jane: What are you even saying?  
Jake: You. Insulted. My. Grandmother. Oh, ive waited decades for this moment!  
  
He spins the chair around and promptly sits in it, kicking his boots onto the desk and sending the papers flying onto the floor. Behind him, Brain Ghost Dirk materializes into a fully physical form and 'Amelia' stands at her father's side, her gaze shifting from soft and doe-eyed to staring at Jane with what could have been daggers.  
  
Jake: Sixteen years of a worthless marriage and it actually paid off! By the devil fucking dickens if i thought this was going somewhere a month ago i would have thought myself to be completely off my rocker!  
Jane: So, the past sixteen years, they meant nothing to you?!  
Jake: Oh as if it meant anything to you. You got your designer child, just like you wanted, then pull a reverse and start hate-fluffing a clown! Do you have any idea how many metaphorical eggshells i have been walking on?! Just call this as being served in liquid nitrogen because this is the best revenge i could ever get.  
Jake: So my first order... well jane, youre banished. Get out.  
Jane: I don't have anything!  
Jake: Oh good, youll know how i felt having to run away with nothing but a pair of skivvies. Now, get the hell out of my kingdom.  
Jake: Second order, gamzee's corpse is getting burned to ashes. And frankly, i dont care about the eulogy. If he comes back im killing him with my own bare hands.  
Jake: Next, youre not allowed to see tavvy anymore. Think that one speaks for itself there.  
Jake: Oh, and all imperial drones and police forces are to be decommissioned and disbanded completely. Know what, just throwing out everything in here this is ridiculous! Dirk, get kanaya and rose on the phone i need to talk to them. Where even is the fucking phone in this place? Oh and one last thing jane, consider this my divorce signature.  
  
He whips out a pistol and fires, shooting Jane directly in the shoulder as she runs out.  
  
Jake: ...were going to tear this place apart arent we?  
Gage: Hell yeah.  
Dirk: I call the spare robots!  
Jake: Free prisoner first. Destruction later, Gage.  
Gage: Aight.  
Yiffy: this cant be happening  
Yiffy: im being pranked  
Yiffy: im just gonna be chained up again with an even more embaressing collar  
Yiffy: im-  
Yiffy: yeah you're gonna lock me up with one hidden behind your back  
Gage: No I'm not. Most I got is an elastic choker but that's it...  
Yiffy: huh... uh...you wanna burn some documents?  
Gage: Hell yeah, where you wanna start?  
Yiffy: there is literally just a room full of now useless papers  
Yiffy: got a lighter?  
Gage: Flint, steel, and lighter fluid work?  
Yiffy: perfectly  



	12. Act 3 Scene 3: Rise of the Skull Empire

Jake: Is everything all ready?  
???: Yes sir. The corpse is ready to be set aflame. Also, the decor you requested has arrived prior to schedule, should I have it put aside Lord English?  
Jake: That wont be needed. Also i keep telling you, jake is perfectly fine.  
???: Understood Lord- I mean, Jake.  
Jake: Um... about the announcement... did it go over well with everyone who bothered to check in?  
???: According to the data, nearly everyone in the Human Kingdom tuned into the television or the radios. There was mixed reception overall.   
Jake: Well, i did break the news about jane so it should be expected. However i am amazed a revolt didnt start as soon as it was aired.  
???: Sir, you had the better popularity even when Jane was running for office. If you wanted we could restart some of the drone-  
Jake: Cazron, never speak of those deplorable mechanical bodies again i beg you...  
Cazron: My apologies Jake. I was unaware if you had the same thoughts as Jane once did. The final drone will be reduced to scrap metal within the half-hour. In the meantime, the last of Jane's original laws has been repealed and there are already trolls wishing to enter the Human Kingdom even with all of the reforms taking place. Not to mention the old rebellion leader and his second-in-command have wished to speak with you personally.  
Jake: Karkat and meenah? Of course! Id give anything to speak with those old chums again! Whens the quickest you can get something set up?  
Cazron: There's no restaurants that can be booked. However the main parlor should be done in three hours at maximum. I can arrange for something there if you would like?  
Jake: Cazron my boy, you are the finest assistant i could have asked for! Here! Take my phone and extend it to the others!  
Cazron: The others?  
Jake: Roxy, john-  
Cazron: Oh! The other gods! I'll get to it straight away!  
Jake: Thank you very much, lad!  
  
For all that happened in twenty-four hours, these guys shift loyalty quick. Thankfully after you ran everything by the Indigo-bloods that were staying in the kingdom, they were perfectly fine with everything. They even offered to help change the ship up until it was time for them to leave and the limited supply of visas to encourage the reintegration of trolls and humans into a single society ran out before the high tail of noon! And to top it all off, you were finally wearing proper pants and a shirt for what seemed like the first time in decades!  
  
Cazron: Sir, it's Miss Lalonde! She would like to speak to you directly!  
Jake: Well dont stand there! None of us will be getting younger and theres no time like the present!  
Roxy: Jakey! Dude, you absolute fuckin madman!  
Jake: Roxy!!!  
Roxy: So wait... is everythin on the news legit true? Jane got bigtime busted and you kicked her out personally??  
Jake: Right i did! I honestly didnt think id have the strength to do it...  
Roxy: Hey, you stopped a war from even happening. Cut yourself some slack my guy, we were all kinda blindsided by everything...  
Jake: Hows tavvy doing?  
Roxy: Well i asked him about Jane and how he feels. He wouldn't... give me a straight answer... he seems kinda offput? Detached? idfk... Harry and Vriska are OVER THE FUCKIN MOON.  
Jake: Well of course they would be! They can actually date now without having to worry whatll happen if they get caught. Is...tavvy there?  
Roxy: He's been sleeping for like... three days man.  
Jake: Alright i may not be-  
Roxy: Jake istg if you finish that sentence I will invent teleportation just to slap it out of your head. You are waaaay smarter than you give yourself credit for!  
Jake: :/  
Roxy: wow... i basically heard the face you made.  
Jake: So um...  
Roxy: We'll be there around 4:30?  
Jake: Get here before 3 and i can help get broadway tickets.  
Roxy: deal.  
  
Meanwhile...  
  
Gage: hey  
Gage: hey gais.  
Gage: Gais and gals.  
Gage: y'all.  
Hal: Wrong number.  
Gage: Fuck  
Hal: So I was able to get into the data files of the new Sburb game.  
Gage: And?  
Hal: Congrats, Omega Kid. You're in a group of five and you'll be living in a flying airship mansion for the next four months.  
Gage: Finally I can live in a prison cell like I always wanted to.  
Hal: Rooms have already been designated. You gremlins have your own wing of the place. Pun not intended.  
Hal: The younger ones will be staying near us adults. So you five better not set anything on fire.  
Gage: Eh, already got it out of my system last night.  
Dirk: I'm sorry what?  
Dirk: You didn't wait to bring destruction with us? Thought we were pals.  
Gage: Jade's daughter. She's like a mini, half-dog me. But yeah I'm all good with burning things.  
Jane: Huh?  
Gage: We burned things and had food.  
Roxy: wh-  
Gage: We did nothing but burn old papers and eat pizza rolls for three hours. Oh, gotta go!  
Jake: Uh, shoot what did you say your name was again love? It was a strange one, um... Mage? Kage?  
Gage: Gage.  
Jake: Dammit... im going to get it one of these times. Yiffany, over here Poppet!  
Yiffy: hey uh  
Yiffy: can i change my name? i just learned what it means and... i dont want it anymore.  
Jake: Course! What do-  
Yiffy: i wanna be poppy, can i be poppy?  
Jake: of course sweetie.  
Poppy: hell yes.  
  
Gage looks over, shaking a tiny bit. It feels cold in here. She turns to close a window and stops dead in her tracks. Without hesitating, she throws a knife as hard as she can into a shadow, hearing it clatter away instead of hitting the wall. Jade and the others fly in as the figure waltzes out, holding each of the Omega kids with some sort of telekinetic power. He stares right at her, grinning wickedly.  
  
Ultimate Dirk: So... this is where you decided to sneak off to? I honestly almost thought I got you for good there. After six years and twenty different deaths, you little bastard, are finally becoming predictable.   



	13. Act 3 Scene 4: The Glitch

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Warning, minor child abuse.

Ultimate Dirk: What? Thought you saw the last of me back when you guys were old and crusted?  
Ultimate Dirk: Please I had far more important things to do rather than try and fight you five as a bunch of seventy-year olds. Species to create and help rapidly evolve in order to overthrow your game.   
Jane: You mean the potted tentacle plant things?  
Ultimate Dirk: No actually, they died out in three generations even with new DNA introduced into the genome. Why the hell are you even curious again?  
Jane: You-  
Ultimate Dirk: Trick question. I don't give a shit.  
Candy Roxy: wait... di stri? is that really you?  
Ultimate Dirk: Well, seems like I'm late to the party. So Roxy, how is it being a housewife? I mean you've moved on gloriously since canocity in this timeline faded to jack shit and the other me bit the dust.  
Ultimate Dirk: Strange how I used to be the same way... I used to be trapped as a limited version of myself who was still burdened by the concern for what it meant to be good, struggling to keep himself from drowning in an overwhelming body of potential which had no concern for human morality whatsoever, while drowning in an ocean of my greater persona, and all the terrible things I was fully capable of.  
Ultimate Dirk: My head isn't fighting to stay above the water anymore. There isn't even a metaphorical head to speak of. I'm only the water now. I've disappeared into the infinity of myself. And I am... magnificent.  
Candy John: awfully self-centered for anyone claiming to be an alpha  
Ultimate Dirk: English, does this pathetic excuse for a protagonist speak on your behalf?  
Candy Jake: Definitely not im perfectly capable of that myself. But thats my son youre holding so if you dont mind. Put him down.  
Ultimate Dirk: After everything? Haven't I only done what was best for you?  
Jake: Well thats certainly the most debatable thing youve said thus far.  
Tavros: Dad,,,, dad what's going on,,,,,  
Candy Jake: Tavvy everythings going to be ok i promise...  
Dirk: Come on dude, you're scaring the kids. Cut the shit and we can talk about this like normal people, cool?  
Ultimate Dirk: So that glitch already got to you huh... Also which one of you came up with that piece of shit you call a memorial? Been staring at nothing but pissing cherub statues every damn time I look into this timeline.  
Tavros: Dad,,,,,, dad im scared,,,,,,  
Candy Jake: Tavvy look at me, everything is going to be ok. I wont let him hurt you.  
Ultimate Dirk: And you need to shut up.  
  
He tightens his grip on Tavros's wrist, making the teen squirm in pain while Vrissy and Harry Anderson were tossed to the side, held up by large, skeletal hands. In an instant Jake draws his pistols and Brain Ghost Dirk has Ultimate Dirk held at bladepoint. Roxy summons her rifle and John grabs a nearby brick.  
  
Ultimate Dirk: If you honestly think that little toothpick is gonna make me scared, just go back to your mental home, ok?  
  
Brain Ghost Dirk is flung to the wall, same as the other two kids, and held against the fireplace.  
  
Ultimate Dirk: Now, where is the glitch?  
Candy Jade: the what?  
Ultimate Dirk: Don't play coy Harley, you know damn well who I'm talking about. Nineteen year old. Dark hair, gray eyes. Name's Gage. Little bit of a bitch.  
Roxy: oh no...  
Ultimate Dirk: Well, Jake? Answer me. Where is she? You've taken a liking to her, after all.  
Candy Jake: Honestly, mate, there's a lot of people named gage. Sure maybe theres been a mix-up?  
Ultimate Dirk: One thing never changes about you, Jake. You are such a bad liar.  
Ultimate Dirk: Now where is that thing?  
Candy Jade: grrrr. you just said it was a girl, so why are you backtracking? and theres no such thing as a "glitch," if there was id be the first to pick up on it!  
Ultimate Dirk: You can only sniff out things in this timeline, so don't feel too proud of your incompetence. I mean, you don't have to worry about it threatening to destroy your own existence so why should you even bother?  
Ultimate Dirk: Took me forever to even find that god forsaken timeline anyway, just think of it like picking up the pieces before burning it all away.  
Candy Jade: what...? you hunted her down for no reason!  
Ultimate Dirk: I have my reasons, not that you need to know about them anyway. The moment that timeline popped up I had a threat that existed to only me.  
Hal: HEY DIPSHIT!  
  
Hal crashes in through the wall, followed by more and more versions of the players. Some were old, some younger, but all swarmed for cover as the brawl kicked into gear. Ultimate Dirk was forced to drop Tavros as Hal and the Brobot rushed him, all three flashstepping in and out of sight, their locations only known by the sounds of clanging metal. In the growing chaos, a carapacian-looking creature ran in, followed by an older Dave and a younger Dirk right behind him. From above, four chimera timeline guardians dropped through the ceiling.  
  
Bro: Damn, I almost missed the ass-kicking!  
PQ Candy Dave: bro...?  
Bro: The good one? Yes, that's me. Give me a sec!  
PQ Candy Dave: hey wait!  
  
The newer Striders leapt headlong into the strife, not even bothering to draw actual weapons. A good, old-fashioned beat 'em up beatdown would suffice. As more hits got in, Ultimate Dirk faded in and out of what looked like existence itself, if he could even do that. Before long he vanished completely, leaving the Striders to collapse in a Strife-fueled pile.  
  
PQ Candy Dave: what the actual fuck just happened?!  
Bro: Used a splinter as a distraction. Like, portable horcruxes, except they do that and are really fucking annoying. Flashsteps when it happens, it legit doesn't look like he moved an inch. Our timeline got swarmed with them, had to grab everyone and evac here.  
Candy John: swarmed?! how many of these things exist?!  
Bro: As many as that little bitch wants. Corrupted ones are his prime targets.  
Candy John: err... corrupted?  
Bro: Exposed to Cal for too long. The weaker the mental strength the easier it is for him to be absorbed into Ultimate Dirk's influence as a whole. He basically drowns in the worst bits of himself.  
Bro: At any rate, that's actually the least of our concerns right now. That glitch he was talking about, Gage, he's hunting her down right now. Does anyone's home connect to a forest or some shit?  
Candy John: yep. mine does.  
Candy Roxy: mines near the ocean if that shit works.  
Bro: Woods are easier for her to get through. Plus she doesn't swim fast, so ocean's a death sentence and we have to start over. I take it you guys haven't had time for all this to be explained?  
Candy John: not a bit, no...  
Jane: We tried to, but everything happened so fast...  
Bro: Don't sweat it, you did all you could. But right now, we need to get to that house. Jade, our Jade anyway, has a pocket dimension or some shit that she conjured up. So we don't have fifty Egberts running around in dumbass mustache and gag nose glasses. You got this bud?  
  
The Carapacian gives him a thumbs up, and multitudes of the alternates vanish alongside them  
  
Bro: You sure you wanna stay here?  
PQ Dave: i mean i got nothing else to do besides take care of him. also why the hell should i trust you?  
Bro: Olive Garden breadsticks.  
PQ Dave: i really need to find a new trust mantra... also, jade why the hell arent we at egberts house?  
Candy Jade: m-my powers...  
Candy Jade: my first guardian powers are... theyre gone...  
Bro: Honestly surprised this didn't happen sooner. I can fit three people on my rocket board, everyone else hold onto someone who's at GT. Just watch out for anything else falling or some shit.  
Candy John: ok, i have too many questions but fuck it. also what are we watching out for exactly?  
Bro: What a glitch in space can really do. She can't control what happens when, so be easy on her.  
  
Meanwhile...  
The moment Ultimate Dirk was within sight, Gage made a break for a door, anything to get her out of the ship. Thankfully it wasn't a large drop to the ground as she ripped an escape hatch open, judged distance to the ground, and jumped out. She winced as the ground attempted to tear at her skin, shaking it off as if nothing happened and melding into the crowd in front of her.  
The hoodie finally came in handy, allowing her to cover her hair and shirt from spying eyes. Her dogtag necklace thumped against her chest as she walked, definitely a heavy metal, most likely tungsten. Seems like something her old man would have picked. Gage looked up as the crowd shifted in front of her, in the now open space Ultimate Dirk was standing, his arms crossed and glaring at her through the nearly opaque shades. Her eyes iced over, staring right through him, only cocking an eyebrow as he summoned his katana. The crowd gasped and murmured for a solid minute before Gage charged, summoning a battleaxe and battering the sword out of Ultimate Dirk's hands, letting the crowd kick it away as the two fought. If anything the strife looked more like some sort of dance battle, filled with dodges and swings that seemed too far to hit a target. Finally, Gage managed to kick him in the ankle, put away her axe and ran like a bat out of hell. The nearest woods wasn't far now, at least a few meters. With a crash, she disappeared into the woodlands as the sun still hung in the sky above, while at least a dozen figures glided overhead.  
  
In an abandoned house miles away, a robot powers down as a middle aged man wakes up in bed, a first guardian canine at his side.  
  
Becquerel: Good morning, Master. I am so glad to see you've awakened. You had a nasty fall and simply collapsed, are you feeling alright?


	14. Intermission 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Some new designs for returning/new characters for the fic. Not everyone will be getting a new design, but if they do I will post them as soon as I finish the sprite edits. Also, look forward to Halleysprite in the end of part 1!
> 
> Original Sprites are from Pesterquest.

  
Becquerel Design/Sprite Edit for Homestuck^2.5

  
Halleysprite Design/Sprite Edit for Homestuck^2.5


	15. Act 3 Scene 4 Scene 1: Man's Best Friend

Dave: ...shit... what the hell happened?  
  
You wake up in your old home. It's the exact way you left it on your last mission with Jade, at least before you were stuck in a robot body. Which for some reason is now on the floor in front of you, completely de-powered and even rusted in places. You, the now human Dave Strider, are well naked for lack of a better term. Seems like the Ultimate Ascension thing burned everything away, even your old shades have been burnt to a crisp and rusted. Only thing you left was a pair of sweatpants and a shitty hoodie that looks like your old god tier shirt. Which is still your shitty hoodie that looks like your old god tier shirt.  
  
You get dressed the best you can and look at your reflection. Despite everything that's happened, it's still you. You expertly slam your heel on one of the floorboards and from beneath, a glasses case is flung from it's hiding spot and into the air. Thank goodness, some decent fucking eye-wear. It's considerably darker now with the brand new iShades on, but at least you don't have to worry about going blind. Dave, examine robotic self.  
  
You can't believe you were so dumb. You should have recognized that stupid mantra, and you fell for it. You'll get both of them, no one double crosses Dave Elizabeth Strider to use him as a pawn. It's a fucking crime.  
  
  
  
Becquerel: Ah, Master David! It's good to see you've woken up, did you sleep alright?  
Dave: ...  
Becquerel: My apologies. I am Becquerel, Earth's former first guardian and until a few moments ago one of the two beings that fused when Master Jade ascended to God Tier in your Sburb session. It is very nice to meet you in person!  
Dave: what the actual shit  
Dave: no i am definitely on some kind of drugs  
Becquerel: I inspected all of your clothing items as well as your mechanical double. I assure you nothing is compromised with your mind, Master David.  
Dave: then how long have i been out  
Becquerel: You were trapped outside this timeline for about forty-eight to fifty-six hours and thirty minutes. I have also gained documents you might want to fill out as soon as possible.  
Dave: such as?  
Becquerel: Divorce papers.  
Dave: what. the. actual. fuck.  
Becquerel: Please take some time and go over everything that has occurred in the meantime, you can make the final choice yourself. Although I do recommend eating soon. You haven't had anything since your mission roughly two days ago.  
Dave: uh... thanks?  
Becquerel: You're welcome, Master David. I'll be in the living room if you require my presence.

  
  
Several hours afterwards...  
  
Becquerel: Is everything alright, Master David? You haven't said a word in hours...  
Dave: ...  
Becquerel: I understand if you're disgusted with the actions Master Jade took... I didn't agree with them either...  
Dave: ...she lied to my face about this... and then goes behind my back to have a kid and never tell me... for fifteen years...  
Becquerel: Master...  
Dave: fido, where's a pen in this bitch?  
Becquerel: Magnet on the right side of the refrigerator. Closest to the bowl cabinet.  
Dave: thanks  
Becquerel: You're very welcome.   
Dave: think you could also grab my phone for me?  
Becquerel: At once!   
  
The dog bounds off without a second thought as you scribble on the papers. Looking back, marriage wasn't really for you now that you really think about it. And now, you're expecting a call from a robotic double of Dirk. He will inform you about everything that has happened and then ask for you to come over to Egbert's house while they wait for the ace in a hole to get there. And that poor kid is getting a proper parent goddammit. Dave, answer the slobber-covered phone.  
  
Hal: Hey.  
Dave: sup  
Hal: I take it you've adjusted alright?  
Dave: yeah  
Dave: also jade's old dog is alive and kicking  
Hal: Becquerel? Even with the glitch affecting reality it shouldn't have happened.  
Dave: must be a schrödinger paradox or some shit  
Dave: she's died multiple times so things are only going to get more and more haywire  
Hal: Of course it is... Listen, about Jade...  
Dave: don't worry about it really  
Dave: four hours of reading and i'm so many levels of pissed off i can't even begin to describe  
Dave: unironically speaking of course  
Dave: so when do you need me over there  
Hal: As soon as you can make it would be preferable.  
Dave: alright should be like an hour walk  
Dave: suburbs ya know  
Dave: i should be there about ten minutes before she gets back  
Hal: Gage? How the hell?  
Dave: ultimate self powers  
Dave: i can see the entire timeline and every alternate route to every conclusion  
Dave: like temporal buffet shenanigans  
Dave: and i thought my sburb time traveling was the shit  
Dave: this is actually next level  
Hal: Any limitations on how far you can see? Also please don't give yourself a migraine or anything please.  
Dave: nah no limits  
Dave: the hour windows are the most accurate though  
Dave: but yeah she's gonna be ok other than a little bruised up and really tired  
Dave: see you in an hour  
Hal: Hey wa-  
  
Dave: aye, fido  
Becquerel: Yes, Master David?  
Dave: wanna go on a  
Becquerel: A WALK!!! YES I WOULD LOVE TO GO ON A WALK!!!!!! I THOUGHT YOU'D NEVER ASK!!!!  
Dave: alright  
  



	16. Act 3 Scene 4 Scene 2: Girl's Best Friend

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> today i will gift the fic a casual june egbert reveal. the next update...who knows.....

Dave: so fido... you really wanna leave jade?  
Becquerel: I am positive, Master David. I have been by her side for decades, far longer than any other canine could wish for. I'm simply looking for a new start. Would you happen to know someone similar to Master Jade?  
Dave: ...jake. hes gonna be your best bet.  
Becquerel: Jake... it sounds familiar...  
Dave: that was jades grandpas name before he kicked the bucket  
Becquerel: Old Master Harley?! He has a younger version living here?!  
Dave: yep, thats jake. got a son too, so youll have a kid to watch.  
Becquerel: Master David, we must get there, post haste! I simply must meet them both!  
Dave: ...actually... does gage ring any bells?  
  
Meanwhile, at the Egbert Household.  
  
Tavros: Uh,,,,,anything yet,,,,,,?  
Candy Jake: 'Fraid not, tavvy. Don't worry, everything's going to be alright...  
Tavros: ,,,,,,,,  
Harry Anderson: dad? what's going on?  
Candy John: i dont know... anyone heard from that kid yet?  
John: ive been trying to call gage for the past ten minutes, nothing.  
Hal: Well she is running for her life in quite the literal sense of the phrase. Her picking up the phone would alert her location and Ultimate Dirk would be on her tail in minutes. It's what her dad taught her to do if he ever found her, run like hell until you get back to Hal. Trust me, endurance is second to none for Gage. I'll assess the distance and total strain on her body when she gets here.  
Candy John: uhh... how are you going to do that...?  
Hal: Dude, she has a fitbit on her for a reason. Specially modified by yours truly as well; can tell differences in terrain, calculate how many things she's jumped or climbed over, overall average speed, and if she had to use her strife specibus.   
Tavros: A strife specibus,,,,,,?  
Hal: Combat weapons. Egbert Jr. for example chose a god awful pair of scissors that have heavily dulled due to cutting up fabric and threads. Really, clean those damn things, I can see the fibers without enhancing my eyesight.  
Harry Anderson: hey, they work just fine!  
Hal: They're not sharp. So you have the world's best piece of shit for a weapon in case Ultimate Dirk catches you. Seriously he knows the faces of all five Omega Kids now, and you think he won't try and get you while you're off guard?  
Bro: Hal, lay off. You're scaring them.  
Hal: Whatever.  
Candy John: um, bro strider, right? why are you....um...not..  
Bro: Not trying to fight a Dave without warning? Egbert, we're both parents. Why the hell would I fight my kid?   
Candy John: youre not his bro?  
Bro: No, I am. Chimera Timeline Dirk at your service.  
John: chimera- OH! youre the timeline that  
Bro: Yes, remembered Gage even though she was killed off in all of the reset timelines, god tiering will do that to you. Also, Egbert stop making faces at me, I'm a decade older than you.  
'John' Crocker: everything ok?  
Harry Anderson: uh side note. how many dads do i have now? i stopped counting after three.  
'John' Crocker: oh, i... i actually... dont go by john anymore...  
June Crocker: its june....  
Candy Jake: ...and?  
June: ...and......?  
Candy Jake: Sorry, the most of scraps we have here are... about twenty stale things... eh we can always order out.  
June: youre not mad...?  
Candy Jake: Why would i? Youre not happy with it?  
June: never felt happier actually.  
Candy Jake: Oh for frigs flipping sake june why would i be angry? I mean, now i can say i have two daughters and two sons but not much else is different.  
  
Candy Jade: wait, why dont you guys have the same last names as us?  
Jane Egbert: The meteors with our ectobiological clones were still en route to our earth. So, we changed our names so they would still fit with paradox space. Even...if it doesn't exist anymore... It was more out of respect for Gage.  
Roxy: what happened?  
Jane Egbert: Ultimate Dirk got her. She had just enough time to get us to safety and passed not long after.  
  
The room suddenly silences with Ms. Egbert's words. The other kids were still getting over the fact that they could have new targets on their backs but the looks the newly arrived guardians gave each other. Even Bro curled a little into himself, like he had been physically hit with words.  
  
Jade English: she really did love talking about halley.  
Candy John: halley?  
Jade English: her pet dog.  
Jane: SHE HAD A DOG?!  
Jade English: she never told you?!  
  
The front door slams open.  
  
Ultimate Dave: bitches  
Hal: Bitch.  
Becquerel: Master Jake! It's so joyous to meet you at long last!  
Candy Jake: ...what...  
Ultimate Dave: fido here is changing sides  
Candy Jade: bec... what are you talking about?  
Becquerel: Jade, you have been my master for almost four decades now. Only recently had I gained consciousness while we were still fused into a single being. And during that time, I observed some of your choices and I was...well disappointed with them if we're being honest here. I understand you grew up and I'm very grateful for the years I was your guardian but now it's time for me to move on. I'm an old dog, Jade. I adore you, but I can't spend however much of my life I have left with just you. I have to embrace a new adventure, a new chapter in my canine life. A brand new era for-  
Ultimate Dave: fido you might wanna get away from the door we have an incoming visitor  
  
The first guardian had just enough time to react before Gage burst through the door, heaving for any sort of air and her face a shade of red that shouldn't be achievable by humans before collapsing onto the ground without a word.


	17. Act 3 Scene 4 Scene 3: How Much Can A Young Woman Warp Reality While Unconscious And High On Adrenaline?

Hal: Be careful with her, please. Pulse is at 118 bpm and has the possibility of spiking at any time. Tavros, get that fitbit off of her ankle after we lay her down.  
Tavros: Uh,,,,,the what ,,,,,?  
Hal: The thing that looks like a tracker.  
Tavros: Oh that!,,,,, my mother banned things like that shortly after I was born,,,,,, sorry,,,,  
Hal: Why are you apologizing? You didn't do it. Can I see it?  
Tavros: Oh right,,,,, sorry,,,,,  
Hal: And stop apologizing so damn much. Now, let's see here.... where did you go, Little Psycho...? Holy shit, ok. Well that fills her exercise quota for the rest of this year.  
Candy Jake: What do you mean?  
Hal: Looks like she was almost caught in the city. Nice swipe at his right side, he thought she wouldn't retaliate so that trick is out of the cards now. Then use the crowd confusion and lose him in the woods nearby. Phone's map turns on and links her to here, heads northwest at a constant speed, sharp turn to east, lots of jumping spikes, and continues on for about a few hours. Accounting for the initial encounter and current strain on her body she was going for five and a half hours nonstop.  
Candy Jake: I fail to see why that's a good thing.  
Jake: It's what she was taught to do, right tin can?  
Hal: Technically yes. Where Ultimate Dirk has brute strength to his advantage, Gage needs to rely on her own natural strength in order to not get pummeled to death. So she'll make a getaway and not slow down until she reaches the designated safe haven or me. Whichever one she gets to first takes priority. This is the longest stretch she's gone though. Keep her mostly bedridden for the next few days, all of her leg and abdominal muscles were overstrained and are going to cramp up really bad. Unless it's an emergency she does not leave this house, are we clear?  
Alphas: Yes Hal.  
Hal: That means no morning runs, Jake.  
Jake: Blast, outsmarted already...  
Roxy: well i can neither confirm nor deny, but basement has a kitchen and bathroom. so we're just gona take that, thanks older john.  
Candy John: wh-  
Jane: Wowzers, thanks!  
Dirk: Hey thanks man. Owe you one.  
Jake: Aw, thanks ole chap! You didn't have to!  
Candy John: hey wait! i never agreed to any of this!  
  
The four scramble around the fallen ally, picking her up and escorting her to the basement in a flurry. Not long after they've vanished, the distant clicking of a sylladex opening can be heard.  
  
Candy John: what the hell was that about?!  
Hal: Honestly have no fucking clue. They do this all the time. Just make sure they have food and water from time to time, other than that you won't see them much.  
Tavros: Uh,,,,,, what does that mean?  
Hal: It means they will avoid social interaction with anyone outside the original nine kids and plot chaos where it can't be observed. Even if that chaos is burning a pot while trying to boil water at 3 am. The worst they do is steal any and all food.  
Harry Anderson: uh, maybe dont order the pizza after all? just to be safe? the leftovers are nice as school lunch.  
Hal: If they get to it first, I'll pack you something. You have the family peanut allergy?  
Harry Anderson: ...yeah...  
Hal: Alright, gotcha covered. Hopefully.  
Harry Anderson: eh, ok.  
Candy John: there should still be some stuff in the fridge and pantry. no idea how much though.  
Hal: I'll make it work, don't worry.  
Vrissy: So w8t, wh8t 8bout me????????  
Hal: Harry Anderson's school has already updated their enrollments, you're in the top ten new coming students from outside the Human Kingdom. You start tomorrow with Poppy and Tavros.  
Candy Jade: poppy??  
Poppy: Me. Hated that old, stupid fuckin name anyway. And you're not my mom anymore.  
Candy Jade: ...you heard...  
Poppy: I HEARD EVERYTHING! I GREW UP IN A CAGE BECAUSE OF YOU! I COULD'VE HAD A DAD BUT YOU THOUGHT IT WOULD BE TOO DANGEROUS AND LIED TO ME FOR FIFTEEN FUCKIN YEARS ABOUT THIS!!  
Poppy: You told me i never had a family... that they didn't care about me... what did i do to deserve this...?  
Candy Jade: ...  
Poppy: Answer me. Please...  
Candy Jade: ..........  
Poppy: ...I'm going to live with Dave... i don't want anything to do with you anymore...  
Candy Jade: i thought it would be the best option...  
Poppy: Yeah? Well, it sucked.  
Candy Jade: alright, if anyone else wants to say something, do it now.  
Ultimate Dave: oh gladly  
Ultimate Dave: divorce. preferably now. this shit wasnt worth it.  
Candy Jade: youre not mad? seriously?  
Ultimate Dave: oh no im fucking pissed the hell off. again, all of this was not worth it in the long run. or the short run for that matter. already filled out my forms, you just need to fill out yours. my shit's already packed and out of the house by now.  
Harry Anderson: ...what the hell kind of soap opera bullshit is happening right now...?  
Tavros: Fifteen years worth I assume,,,,,,,, mother and father divorced already as well,,,,,,,, she was even kicked out of the kingdom permanently,,,,  
Harry Anderson: wait, that was like a few days ago. how the hell did uncle jake pull that off?  
Candy Jake: I stole complete power out from right under her nose, do you have any other questions young harry anderson egbert-lalonde? I'd rather answer them now while i'm still standing up instead of five hours from now like you prefer your explanations to be delivered to you over a small dinner. Still need to dismantle an empire with my own two hands and i'm down a house.  
Candy Jake: Jade, you're my daughter and i will never not love you. But all of this is inexcusable. Kanaya and rose have signed up for marriage counseling and you sat around twiddling your thumbs without even bothering to contact dave in any way. And this was after we got the call that he was alive. I have never been more disappointed in your actions.  
  
Jake continued to chew Jade out. Not once did he raise his voice, but there was just enough malice to get the point across along with a strangely terrifying glare of fatherly disapproval. Eventually, the house began to clear out as much as it could. The Alpha kids remained in the basement with the still knocked out Gage and the Betas took the attic hostage, leaving the other kids to fill into the upstairs bedrooms. Poppy and Vrissy squished into the guest room while Tavros and Harry Anderson were forced to roommate together. Later that night, a young man is unable to sleep. You're Tavros...er, you honestly have no idea of the status of your last name now. At any rate, your brain is swimming and you need to talk to someone promptly. Your cousin is in the deepest of sleep, as well as your kismesis and new relative. For ease, your going to call her your new cousin as long as she's alright with it. You need to converse the matter with her in the morning. In the meantime, you tip-toe downstairs and see that new girl walking about. She's tall, roughly the size of your dad, with the muscles to back up her stature. The glow of her phone lights up her face as she drinks juice from the container. Well you hated orange juice anyway so it's all hers.  
  
Tavros: Um,,,,, excuse me,,,,? Is it ok if I talk to you for a minute,,,,,,,?  
Gage: Huh? Oh, sure thing. Talk as much as you need to.  
  
She pulls up two chairs and motions for you to sit next to her. At least you won't have to whisper so much, but you feel very intimidated by her, honestly her biceps alone are twice the width of your arms alone...  
  
Gage: What's up?  
Tavros: ,,,,,,did I,,,,,,, did I help break up my family?  
Gage: What? Kid, Tavros right? Listen, the problems that came up today were years worth of problems just blowing up in everyone's faces. You had nothing to do with it.  
Tavros: ,,,,,I hate it,,,,,  
Gage: Hmm?  
Tavros: Why did I have to be born a 'Crocker',,,,,,  
Gage: Who said it had to stay that way?  
Tavros: what?  
Gage: It's a name, you don't have to keep it that way.  
Tavros: You're just saying that because Poppy did it.  
Gage: Actually, I'm going to let you in on a secret. No one else knows this yet, but, my name isn't 'Amelia.' It used to, but...well I was in a similar spot to where you are now. Bad folks and I hated it. And I was a lot younger than you when I found that out. So I ran off and changed my name. That's what some people call a deadname.  
Tavros: Huh.... I just..... didn't think it was a thing....  
Gage: Yep, people do it more often than you think. They want to separate themselves from who they once were, and sometimes change their names as a sort of 'coming of age' thing. You don't have to be a 'Crocker,' you could be an 'Egbert,' a 'Harley,' an 'English,' hell you could even go by 'Tavros Peixes' if you wanted to. Sky's the limit with this sort of thing.  
Tavros: So.... if Amelia isn't your name now..... then what is it?  
Gage: It's Gage. God I wanna say my full name so much but I can't....  
Tavros: ?  
Gage: Causal spoilers. It's not the correct circumstances for me to be able to say it right now.  
Tavros: Oh.... sorry....  
Gage: Not your fault, don't worry about it.  
Tavros: So... what are you looking at?  
Gage: Eh, was trying to find something to cheer your dad up. Only thing I can find is a mansion built where his used to be. It just looks familiar to me...  
Tavros: Gage....?  
Gage: Hmm?  
Tavros: What was your dad like?  
Gage: Eh, blood dad was a p.o.s. My adopted dad, he was more of a dad than that waste of space could have dreamed of being... that front room, that was.... where..... i spent most of my...... oh my god. That's my home. That front yard was filled with flowers and shrubs, I planted so many of them! It made the best mud when it rained!  
Tavros: Tell him! Dad loves those things!  
Jake: Tavvy....what are you doing up so early....? Its four in the morning and you start school today.... oh, hello gage! Feeling better i assume?  
Tavros: Dad! Dad, she found her old home!  
Jake: Ok, alright. Tavvy, i know you're excited about all of this, but you need to get some more sleep, alright? It's the end of the week and we can talk about it as much as you want during the weekend. Sound good?  
Tavros: Ok!! Thanks, dad!  
  
With a newfound vigor, he trotted back upstairs, leaving Jake and Gage behind. As Jake turned to the older teen, he noticed how lively she looked. Her eyes actually sparkled, lighting up the counter slightly. He rubbed the bridge of his nose and smiled warmly at her.  
  
Jake: That goes for you too young lady. Plus you still need to recover fully. However, we will deal with this in the morning as that ship has an offer from the city museum leaving us up a river with no raft.  
  
Almost on cue, Gage's head hit the counter with a thud as she snored lightly, her ability to stay awake had run dry following her glee. Jake chuckled under his breath as he picked her up and set her on the couch, covering her with a blanket before sitting in the old recliner chair. Slowly, the snoring grew louder as the night turned into early morning, and for a brief moment, the setting flickered, revealing a young girl and her father after the day of her initial adoption. She was scared to sleep alone and he didn't mind to be nearby, sleeping on inflatable mattress on the ground, his arm raised onto the couch where she could hold onto it like a security blanket. And for the first time in that little girl's life, she felt safe and happy.


	18. Act 3 Scene 4 Scene 4: Homecoming Part 1

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The glitching has some unseen side effects while the timer starts to count down to Sburb's release.

The hours count on from four in the morning to five, then six, and finally seven. Several alarms blare off at once from all over the house and one by one, the kids stumble out of their beds and into the kitchen, causing the two asleep in the living room to stir awake. Similar noises spawned from the basement and attic as the Alpha group and the Beta group stumbled out from their respective hideaways. Eventually the youngest four packed up and wandered outside as if they were animatronics on a routine, leaving the adults and older teens alone in the house. Nine teenagers, five adults, and Hal, all packed into the walls with a small bit of room to spare somehow. Soon enough the main level was filled with the smell of brewing coffee.  
  
Becquerel: Good morning Master Jake. Did you sleep well?  
Candy Jake: Oh, hello bec. Sorry about that, i doubted for a bit that you were the product of a hope induced illusion.  
Becquerel: It's alright, I understand. Would you like me to fetch the paper for you?  
Candy Jake: That...sounds very nice actually. I don't remember the last time i've been able to read what's happening over a cup of tea. Thank you, bec.  
Becquerel: You are very welcome, Master Jake. I will be right back.  
  
The First Guardian faithfully trotted out while Jake shook his head lightly, fully picking up on the fact that Bec was in fact actually speaking. His mouth moved like a normal human or troll's whenever they spoke, his voice a strange mix of an old butler with the velvet undertones of a typical British royal man. Simply incredible. He turned to start making tea for himself, only to see Gage moving with a sort of ethereal grace that offset even the other teens. Within a few minutes, she had passed the now finished tea in its mug to Jake.  
  
Candy Jake: Where'd you learn to do that?  
Gage: Do what?  
Candy Jake: I never told you how to make this, in fact i never told you i had tea in the morning until a few minutes ago. And you got everything to a perfect ratio!  
Gage: oh.... I um.....  
Candy Jake: Causal spoiler?  
Gage: .....  
Candy Jake: It's alright, i understand. I dealt with those all the time back when i was your age, so don't worry your mind about it. Ah, thank you bec.  
Becquerel: You're welcome Master Jake. Are you still planning on looking at the house that Young Master Gage found?  
Candy Jake: It's still early, but as of right now yes. I assume you whippersnappers would like to come with? It looks to be about an hour drive from here-  
Gage: 30-45 minutes depending on the traffic. I can get us there in 20 if needed. If we want the best time window we should head out within the next two hours, it clogs up easy during lunch and that just goes on while schools get out.  
Candy Jake: ...well alright then. We'll head out by nine.  
  
True to his word, within the hour two cars were loaded up with all nine kids, Jake, and Roxy while John would hold down the fort at the house. Gage pointed out every turn and shortcut allowing them to arrive in 20 minutes, as promised. People were crowded near the front lawn but were kept away thanks to the dirt road. Before anyone could even leave the car, Gage was gone. She punched in a code and with a resounding 'thunk' the doors swung open. The hallway echoed the sounds of her feet as she ran around, looking in every room with the moxy of an excited child.  
  
Gage: DAD! DAD, ITS ME!!  
  
Her frantic search lead her upstairs, first swinging the door open to her old bedroom before crashing into another one across the hall. In an instant she was overwhelmed with the smell of gunpowder, dirt, and cheap cologne. Everything was covered in dust and the air had long passed stale. Old dog fur was still covering the blankets and rug and the pictures around the room looked faded in spots. Tears started to pool over as she continued to just stare blankly and memories played over and over in her head.  
  
Gage: ....i did everything right...so why are you still gone...  
  
Slowly she walked back downstairs from the third floor. From the stairway alone there was a collective sigh of relief as she finally hit the ground floor and everything in the house started to boot up, illuminating decorative skulls, artifacts, and the emerald rug lining the main hall. The most unexpected thing was the massive family portrait that was hanging above the front door.  
A middle-aged man was sitting in a large, dark green velvet chair. His suit was black, with a satin green tie and skull cuff links, making his eyes look an unnatural shade of green that seemed to pierce right through his glasses. It contrasted so heavily with his clean-shaven face, combat boots, and messily ruffled hair that would be more fitting on a teenager than a grown man. In his right arm, he protectively held onto a similarly dressed girl while his free hand held a rifle with its muzzle pointed towards the sky. On the rug below them lay the family dog, staring at the camera's direction intently. His leather collar was worn, but the name tag was carefully polished and set to be captured on the camera, 'Halley.' And engraved on the frame itself, 'The English Family.'  
  
A few hours later...  
  
Candy Jake: So... you're an english...  
Gage: ....  
Candy Jake: I mean it makes sense... certainly with how convincing you were acting as a child of mine. Um...how long has it been since you've seen him...? Your jake i mean. I understand if you don't want to.  
Gage: ....six years and twenty-three days, four hours and two and a half minutes...  
Candy Jake: Oh... was it jane...?  
Gage: no... auntie jane was with him... it was ultimate dirk. he tried to get rid of me...my family held him off and sealed him outside of my timeline so hal and i could escape to a new one. looking back it wasn't much different than this timeline...  
Candy Jake: ...was he married?  
Gage: No, barely any of them were. Except Auntie Rose and Kanaya. Dad was never engaged or anything, he just enjoyed being single more... None of them had kids either.  
Candy Jake: So, all of this...  
Gage: Didn't exist in my timeline. Barely any of this existed. The people are the same but they're not at the same time.  
Candy Roxy: gage, it's ok. we're here for you sweeetie. whatever happens we'll help you get through this. i know the results of sburb won't bring them back, but maybe their ghosts are in a dream bubble if those still exist...  
Gage: A what?  
Candy Jade: a dream bubble. when you die in sburb, your consciousness goes into the dream bubbles. it's like sburb's afterlife in a way. but anyone can go in regardless if they're dead or not, or from the same timeline. lots of funky colors and stuff too.  
Gage: That's it! That's where they are! A place outside time and space!! And it matches everything I saw and the memories... We need to start the game!  
Candy Roxy: ok cowgirl, listen. none of our kids are good to fight for their lives in there. theyre young and have had normal lives. they wouldn't make it five minutes into the game.  
Candy Jake: I mean this lovingly, but tavvy has no survival skills. At all. John threw a pillow at him and he didn't even flinch.  
Candy John: harry anderson isnt any better.  
Candy Roxy: can confirm. tossed him an empty plastic bottle and he let it hit him in the head. if anything poppy and vrissy are the best suited for survival.  
Gage: And?  
Candy Roxy: you're not starting the game early. those are our children, your group. i understand you just want to get closure but it's not happening like this.  
Gage: ...this might be my only chance to find them again... please...  
Candy John: gage, if we do find them dead because we didnt start the game quick enough then it is on us entirely. but right now this is our only option. i promise we will get you there so you can get answers.  
Gage: ......  
Candy John: at any rate, two more jake kids should be showing up within the week and the omega kids are going to need training in order to survive sburb  
Candy Jade: we can worry about that later, right now all we can do is wait.  
  
Slowly the adults filed out, leaving Gage alone at the kitchen counter until a Strider walked by. Knowing that part of the family there were at least six different people it could be.  
  
Bro: Hey, G. Is it alright if I sit here?  
Gage: sure...  
Bro: Everything ok? I could hear everything from the roof.  
Gage: Dude, what the fuck were you doing on the roof?  
Bro: Cool stuff you probably wouldn't understand unless you were there.  
Gage: Fighting birds again?  
Bro: Hey, a seagull tried to steal my food, cut me some slack. And they never shut the hell up.  
Gage: Alright, I'll give that to you. You got me there.  
Bro: Seriously though, everything ok?  
Gage: Yeah... i honestly think i just need to be alone for a bit... Just a lot to take in, ya know?  
Bro: There's nothing wrong with that, just don't let it sit for hours on end. I'll be with the others if you need anything.  
Gage: Ok. And Dirk?  
Bro: Yeah?  
Gage: Thanks.


	19. Act 3 Scene 4 Scene 4: Homecoming Part 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> For everyone who was tired of Gage, here's some break chapters for you. We'll catch up to her, the Alpha kids, the Beta kids, and the Omega kids later. Just for reference, right now they aren't at the house.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Deals with Hiveswap, mentions of abandonment, death, and violence.

The next day, about two months away from the launch of Sburb...  
  
Jade: so this is the place! im sorry if it brings up bad memories, but its the only place we have that can hold all of the human players. the trolls are just a few miles down the road from here. : )   
Joey: this place is huge! way bigger than our house, huh jude.  
Jude: YEAH. IT IS.  
Joey: um, miss jade? is it alright if we keep our dog here?  
Jade: well, it depends on what bec thinks...  
Becquerel: Greetings, Master Jude and Master Joey! My name is Becquerel, however you may call me 'Bec' if that's easier to remember. I am so glad you've joined us here! And of course you can bring your companion with you, I've actually never seen a normal canine before!  
Joey: in that case... tesserect! here girl!  
Jude: TESSIE!!  
  
Following the two voices, a Great Pyrenees bounds through the adults right to their feet. She licks their faces, her tail wagging the entire time. She's only four years old, but already had most of the grace of an adult dog.  
  
Joey: so, is pa here as well?  
John: ah, the infamous grandpa harley... no hes not here yet. the trans-dimensional first guardian hasnt found him yet.  
Joey: that does sound like him. i wouldn't be surprised if he doesn't show up...  
Jade: that seems to be a running trend with jakes... besides guns anyway. : /  
Joey: why is it always guns? guns, dogs, and hunting. always those three. well no there's also adventure.  
Jake: Hey, in my defense that's all i had growing up except for the dogs. Hell murder island was very unforgiving.  
Jude: HELL MURDER ISLAND?? WHAT KIND OF A PLACE IS THAT?  
Jake: The kind of place i was stuck on for thirteen years. Also, this pigeon. I like him.  
Jude: YOU MEAN BYERS?  
Jake: Yes, i love him.  
Joey: so, the pa that lived here. he didn't hunt?  
Jade: not that we heard of. wouldn't surprise me if he gave up on it at some point. youll have to ask his daughter when she and the others get back, she knows this place better than anyone.  
Joey: ...did he leave her here alone too?  
John: nah if he could take her with him he did from what we heard. out of all of them i think this was the one jake to really nail parenting for the most part.  
Joey: hm. interesting.  
Rose: At any rate, the sprites should begin to show up within the next few hours. The trolls have already prototyped their lusi and Grandpa Harley should be here any time now. Although Nannasprite has changed in physical appearance somehow.  
Joey: nanna?  
Rose: Jane Egbert, your aunt.  
Jude: WE HAVE AN AUNT?!  
Joey: jude, what did you expect. it's the first we've semi-heard of him in months and it's about a relative we never knew existed. did you really expect anything different to happen?  
  
Suddenly, Tesseract bounded away to the door, greeting the newcomer with a wagging tail as he set down his rifle and picked her up like a human child while she licked his face.  
  
Pa Harley: Ah, there's tessie! There's my pup! You miss me, my sweet? ...  
Joey: ...  
Jude: DAD?  
Pa Harley: ...hello son. I um... well i understand if you're mad at -oof! You're....hugging me?  
Jude: I MISSED YOU! I THOUGHT YOU WERE NEVER COMING HOME!  
Joey: i was half expecting you to never come back... were you just waiting until after mom died so you could take off?  
Jude: JOEY...  
Pa Harley: It's ok... you have all the right in the world to be angry with me.  
Joey: that's it? no apologies?  
Pa Harley: Joey, nothing can make up for or excuse any of my actions. If you would rather me leave your lives forever, just say the word.  
  
Joey blinked. Right in front of her was her father and he was...giving her permission to kick him out forever...? This couldn't be real, it just... it couldn't... it was him after all. The rusted wedding band, an old pocket watch, the scruffled mess of a stubble beard and mustache, he just looked so worn. And despite everything, she actually ran to cling onto his leg.  
  
Joey: just don't leave us like mom did...  
Pa Harley: As you wish.  
  
Jude: SO, WHAT WAS MOM LIKE?  
Pa Harley: A lot like you two. Who am i kidding, you're both spitting images of her!  
Joey: then why did you keep hunting? you knew she loved animals.  
Pa Harley: It's how i stayed alive for so long, i ran away from home when i was around your age joey. And as i got older and met your mother, i tried to drop it. It....didn't work out so well as i thought it would.  
Joey: like how?  
Pa Harley: She was expecting you. I don't remember if i was tired or upset, but i ended up just snapping and catching a squirrel with my bare hands and tried to pass it off as a gift... Thankfully i didn't kill it by accident. After that she encouraged me to pick up a rifle and the rest is history.  
Joey: then why bigger ones? like lions?  
Pa Harley: Those were by chance. Attacked people unprovoked or were a threat to them, so if i was nearby i got a hunt and they got safety after they were taken down. I didn't go after all of them, even saved a few of them.  
Joey: you actually saved some?!  
Pa Harley: Of course i did! It's the same as water or any other food, you plow through them, eventually you run out. But if you only hunt say, on occasion and then let it recover, less damage is done. And if the males are hunted more than the females, there's a smaller amount of damage done in the long run.  
Joey: why's that?  
Pa Harley: Ah, you're a little too young for that i think...  
Joey: daaaad, i'm almost fifteen.  
Pa Harley: I meant jude.  
Joey: oh...  
Pa Harley: At any rate... well let's see, what else....  
Jude: WHAT ABOUT ALL OF THE MUMMIES? AND THE ARMORY STUFF?  
Pa Harley: Those were real as well, for the most part. Took me forever to dull them enough to use but they spruced up the trophy room quite well. Ah, that reminds me, why i must have been off my rocker enough these missed the lump four feet above my haunches!  
  
He summoned two wrapped gifts from his sylladex, one for Jude and one for Joey.  
  
Pa Harley: I found these during my travels, but had no idea when i'd get back. One for each of you!  
Joey: you... you really mean it...?  
Pa Harley: Why would i lie about something like this for pete's sake? I might have been gone a lot, but i never stopped thinking about you two. I've had you both alongside your mother's picture in the locket from the moment you were both born!  
Joey: they're... ballet slippers and jazz shoes...  
Pa Harley: Split soles, the same type your mother used for her recitals. They...might be too big, but you're still growing...  
Joey: dad, they're so beautiful. i don't think i could ever wear them...  
Pa Harley: Oh what nonsense is that? Joey things like these are meant to be worn and treasured, that's what makes them so special! If everyone went by that logic, we'd all be living in scraps. I know, it can't make up for everything...  
Joey: well, it's a start. thanks.  
Jude: WOAH! THE ENTIRE SERIES OF THE LONE GUNMEN! AND THE X-FILES!  
Pa Harley: It was either that or a telescope, but i figured you'd get more enjoyment out of these, jude.  
Jude: WHAT'S WRONG WITH THE CASES THOUGH ?  
Pa Harley: Ah. Think of them like tapes, except you don't have to rewind them every time. You know cd's? It's the same thing, but they smooshed the series onto disks that can be read by computers!  
Jude: THEN WHY ARE THERE SO LITTLE OF THEM ?  
Pa Harley: As they create better machines, they figure out how to slim them down while also increasing storage space exponentially. Wait until you see what they did to phones, those buggers never seem to stop streamlining! They even started moving backwards in parts! All because they got too cumbersome to carry around!  
Joey: you're joking, right?  
Pa Harley: Joey, if i was i would have left that to my sister. I can never get away with lying or pranks for that matter.  
Joey: what was her name?  
Pa Harley: ...jane. Jane crocker, but she changed it to egbert after she married.


	20. Act 3 Scene 4 Scene 4 Scene 1: A Murder of Knights

well, guess i have this shit now. been awhile, especially now that i have some sort of corporeal form even if it is a rusty bag of bolts. its my rusty bag of bolts now, shit even the outfit on this thing is sick. like some sort of modern day toga but with pants and sick ass shoes. honestly comfy pants make anything better and thats a pure fact. alright, lets really get this shit on the road. like seriously why would any dirk think that he was the center of a narrative, his shit plans only work because of someone else creating this universe and specifically making them work to fill out a cosmic loophole or some shit. if it werent for that he would have died in the red miles.  
  
well he can still make pretty kick-ass robot bodies ill give him that. and holograms to view all of time, damn. he overdid it to hell and back with this babe. the shades are hella rad too. alright, lets try this the way everyone else did. seemed to work out in the long run.  
  
Dave watched outside, quietly observing his surroundings from within this sick new form of his. They really had found a way to a different but similar timeline, gotta give em props for that. He leaned against a wall, not especially hard since there's like a fuck ton of them, and scrolled through the media looking for a familiar face. Ultimate Bitch-twink was there, unsurprisingly. Beyond his gaze, things started to rot and crumble before building themselves back up just as quickly.  
When you find him, you are going to rip him apart, the same as you would do to that other Callie. Honestly, what kind of monster would go after a little kid just to cement their presence eternally in the remains of Paradox Space? How the hell are you even going to break this to everyone else? You don't even bother to look for any new pictures anymore, you'll recognize that baby face when you see it. You blank out a little, and clearly see the moment you first met her. Dammit she was so tiny, barely reaching your stomach. She's probably grown up by now... you wonder if she'd remember you. You remember her, you were her 'Uncle Dave' for almost five years after all.  
You think about her freckled face and soft grey eyes, no longer the innocent, sweet girl you once knew. How the freckles would trail down her arms over her skin, the same color as coffee with milk. As you look back, more memories reappear. The first time you met her after her adoption, the day it finally went through, her tenth birthday, and so many others that were ripped away. How were you supposed to know what would happen, you weren't at your 'Ultimate self' if you could even call it that. That's just a fancy term for people who become aware of the narrative, by that logic Gamzee was at his 'Ultimate' before any of you knew it existed.  
You finally manage you bring yourself back to reality and walk outside. To no one's surprise, you hear gasps from passerby, but ignore them in favor of just listening to the wind and birds as you walk. Mourning doves, pigeons, and the occasional seagull break the silence of rustling leaves and wind gusts. Even from down here the feathers are incredibly detailed, admiring the spots and minute differences between each individual feather. The down ones were so much fluffier and paler than the others. Almost like that feathery bastard used to have. Well, 'he has' would be the more correct terminology in this situation. You were never just aimlessly wandering around after all. You never were for that matter, you just like observing anything that isn't you or your brain when walking around. Gives you constant resting bitch face though, which sucks. And with perfect timing you get there, watching about a dozen versions of you cracking jokes or shitty raps over coffee. One of them, the oldest one there, waves you down and invites you over, shit you can never say no to that.   
Candy Dave: hey  
Davebot: sup   
Davesprite: sup man   
Davepetasprite^2:B33 *davepeta purrs as they s33 their bro apurroaching.* h33y man! you were taking furrever! had an update to download furrst?


	21. Act 3 Scene 4 Scene 4 Scene 2: Bros in Arms

Davebot: shit how many of you got here?  
Candy Dave: youre not the only one who can watch the entire timeline here bitch  
Candy Dave: so i brought some other daves with experience in doomed timelines and shit  
Davesprite: wow ok. glad to know how you guys feel about me  
Davebot: gotta admit its pretty sweet to see you again man. any rate, yall want some coffee?  
Candy Dave: really? youre paying? how much you got?  
Davebot: hm... how much is a tenth of a bitcoin?  
Candy Dave: about 1,180 wait dude holy shit. how the hell are you getting bitcoins now didnt they go out in the 2010s?  
Davebot: i have ascended and reinvented it. with my robotic form, i casually mine them at the speed of dozens of computers and i will break this mortal economy with my superior currency and ill pull another lohac. holy shit they got bagels here?  
Candy Dave: you dont have a mouth  
Davebot: i have a nose. if i dont smell bagel, i may die.  
Davesprite: aight, ill make the sacrifice. and a latte.  
Candy Dave: make that two  
Davepetasprite^2: B33 catpurrchino over here! ;33  
Davesprite: that was the best goddamn cat pun youve ever made dude  
Davebot: order should be ready in like 15. so... anything major change after you came back?  
Candy Dave: no thankfully. adopted jade and roses kid. poppy strider.  
Davebot: thats adorable as all hell and way better than what? harlonde? harley-lalonde? either way it rolls off the tongue better.  
Candy Dave: true. just gotta wait on the paperwork and it should be all set. jades either pissed off or really upset, no ones heard from her since then  
Davebot: if she was pissed, you would know. got every right to feel the way you do man.  
Candy Dave: when the hell did you become so much like rose?  
Davebot: mellowed out near my... yeah my 29th birthday. kinda makes for a hella awkward convo when everyone but you has settled down more or less. Candy Dave: aw little baby david elizabeth strider  
Davebot: bitch im way older than you  
Candy Dave: bet. 39  
Davebot: 43  
Candy Dave: how the fuck... you dont have the hobo uncle look theres no way youre older  
Davebot: aged like a fine-ass wine bitch. you should see english. aged way fuckin better than he does in any other timeline. give or take the reality warping powers  
Davesprite: reality warping?  
Davebot: figured out some shit that we could never figure out. like an ultimate self but...  
Candy Dave: but...  
Davebot: i think he figured out the whole page potential thing. something with abraxas. freaky as all hell though, he actually voided out caliborns powers  
Candy Dave: WHAT?  
Davebot: oh yeah, you think he was a problem? dude curbstompted him in less than a minute and almost did the same to ultimate douchebag. if this jake can get even a tiny bit of that potential unlocked, he can de-god tier jane without lifting a finger. pages are that op  
Davepetasprite^2: B33 holy shit... i nefur heard of someone actually losing their tiers... only rumors. once they gone, thats it.  
Davebot: unlimited potential combined with a natural connection to abraxas. a jake goes rogue were all screwed sideways... anyway food.  
  
Meanwhile...or at the exact same time for that matter...  
  
Candy Dirk: So...I'm actually real now.  
Bro: Damn right.  
Candy Dirk: I'm not supposed to be.  
Bro: That's where you're wrong bitch.  
Candy Dirk: How am I wrong? I'm a brain ghost, not an actual person.  
Bro: It's a hope player thing. You'll get used to this kind of shit. Your Jake is figuring himself out so more like this is bound to happen.  
Candy Dirk: I actually have no idea what you're talking about...  
Bro: Ok, it's more not our thing but, since Jake has a natural connection with Abraxas through his aspect he can semi-alter reality if he really wanted to. Combine it with a page, who is already overpowered in the game as is, and that's more or less how we get here. Pages have to figure themselves out like the rest of us but once they're able to come to terms with themselves they are nigh impossible to beat. He already knows what he's capable of but hasn't found the strength in himself to actually use it. But now that he's starting to grow a metaphorical spine after a few decades it's starting to pop out a bit more. Same thing can kinda happen to us, but we can destroy someone's entire identity.  
Candy Dirk: Huh. So we're restricted by our classes but pages can basically do whatever the fuck they want.  
Bro: Yep. Overwhelm bards, beat the master classes, remove god tiers, once they lose restrictions the sky's the limit.  
Candy Dirk: Wait. Remove god tiers?  
Bro: Well yeah. Altering the rules of everything to rip away someone's immortality and powers isn't so far-fetched. We did it to Caliborn in our session and after Ult. Dirk showed up we just, gave it back but without the true immortality part.  
Candy Dirk: So you've already fought him.  
Bro: More or less. We really just booked it with our tails between our legs. Couldn't land a hit on him.  
Candy Dirk: Then why are you here? You have a Dave to take care of...  
Bro: ...he killed our Gage. She was our second knight player and he...murdered her without a second thought.  
  
He removes his hat and rubs the back of his neck. His freckles seem to blend in with the rest of his skin as he processes the memory again. Tears roll down from behind his shades without warning, barely sparing time to pull himself together.  
  
Bro: We were finishing the game. It all just happened so fast... he destroyed the portal to the new Earth like Jack Noir did and curbstompted the rest of us with no effort. She was buying us time, sent us to a different Earth he couldn't get to and pushed us in. So he bisected her from the collarbone down. Dead before she hit the ground.  
Candy Dirk: I...I'm so sorry...  
Bro: It's fine. You didn't know. Just a lot of bad memories.  
  
He puts the hat back on and pats the other Dirk on the back. Just a chill, 'It's alright, man. No hard feelings' kind of pat on the back. From around them, sirens started to wail for an emergency broadcast. Guess that funeral had to go on either way... around the Human Kingdom screens sprung to life, revealing Jake English, newly divorced and very well groomed, standing at a podium with Karkat Vantas at one side and Meenah Peixes at the other. He's long since ditched the shorts, now in a proper suit with skull cuff-links and an emerald green tie. From where he is, he seems like a completely different person. No longer is he the meek young man who would back down for the want of his own companions, he knows what he wants and he is rightfully pissed. But he keeps a steady composure, emerald green eyes scanning the crowd and almost glowing with power while the trolls begin and finish their speeches. Glowing with hope...  
  
Jake: Before i start, i want to thank mr. vantas and ms. peixes for their words. I never acquaintance myself with gamzee before his death, yet i share their views. With his condition bestowed by crocker, he has brought the kingdoms asunder with his loathly actions leaving a corrupt corse of the kingdoms and himself alike. His contumely actions have rocked everyone to their cores, even my own son. My own flesh and blood was left with no way to defend himself, even his own mother who hath degraded me to a fandangle for people to fawn over. Fie, what a wench she has become. The gentle woman i once knew, who would have rather been wounded by her own words before anyone else, had long since passed by the time my son was born, leaving a ruthless gammer behind.  
Jake: Jane, i know youre watching this as i speak. Whatever you think of my words, you have treated me far worse and will not hurt me anymore. For this i offer you a challenge, one between royalty itself stretching to the ancient times of the troll empire of which you have mistreated for so long. A battle to the death between royalty, no weapons and only god tier powers, for complete control over the human kingdom. Fair and square as you would say. You have ten minutes to respond. Fail and you will be eternally hunted down for your crimes, all of which i have personally disclosed to the authorities of every kingdom. May the better god win.  
  
The room erupts into commotion as he walks off into the darkened hallway. Golden light bounces off of the walls as he walks, meeting his former friend at the other end, her eyes ablaze with tranquil fury and confidence. A family rivalry has been reborn.


End file.
